A whole lotta me

Alright, for lack of patience to conjure up actual thoughts, I thought I'd accept yet another tag from our friend Robin. This one is about my many faces, so if you're not such a fan of my face, move along.

This is me at work. That's usually my expression while I'm there, too.

This is me when the waitress gives us giant pitchers of lemonade on spring break.

This is me when I've driven all the way to Arizona to see a really good show.
This is me when my friend steals my camera and then says something silly. This is me when I'm proud to have cooked my own beef.
This is me (and Wendy) when we try to walk to Idaho from Logan.
This is me being creepy for halloween.

This is me when I'm a wolf.

This is me when my brother wants to go to the salt flats for a photo shoot on a really windy day.

I think that's plenty. Truth is, I really don't have that many faces, do I?

Little known facts

This is Gloria Estefan. -->

You remember when you were little and when someone said something at the same time as someone else then one of them would say "jinx!" and you were cursed with some kind of condition (usually silence) until someone unjinxed you? Remember how you would roll your eyes at the ridiculousness of it, but somehow the jinx always worked?

I've been "tagged" by Robin to blog about 8 personal facts or habits of mine, and while I don't think it's ridiculous, I will tell you that my mind has not been at ease until I completed the assignment. I've tried to compile lesser-known facts and habits (which has been difficult because I'm fairly open about most things) so you had something new to read. So here we go:

1. I had never had a bloody nose in my whole life until last semester, when I received one playing water polo in a water aerobics class. I kept saying with pride, "I've never had one of these! Never!" as the lifeguards attended to me. They weren't impressed... they just didn't want me to bleed any more in their pool.

2. I have a phobia of speaking on the phone to strangers. This is slowly subsiding the older I get and the more I'm forced to do it for my job, but it used to be so bad that I refused to order pizza, and at one point I left a temp job in tears 15 minutes after I got there because I found out they wanted me to work the switchboard.

3. Until I was 11 years old my favorite music was a Gloria Estefan tape that I found of my mother's. I would listen to it over and over while I put together puzzles and painted in my room. Maybe it's because she speaks the truth; eventually, the rhythm IS going to get you.

4. I had a lazy eye when I was little and had surgery on it in 3rd grade or so. Thankfully it has corrected the problem, but my left eye muscles are still pretty weak. I can still make it wander slightly on command and I have a blue spot of scar tissue on the white of my eye that people can only see if I'm looking to my extreme right.

5. Ever since I was little my mom would save leftover lasagna noodles after making a lasagna, and I would eat them plain. She still does if I'm living at home, and I actually stopped at her house the other day and found a bowl of them in the fridge, just waiting for me. I don't know why; I don't enjoy eating plain spaghetti or macaroni. Something about the lasagna noodles does it for me. I love them.

6. I was named after Hailey Mills. My dad allowed my mom to name me Haley as long as it was spelled without the "i". And thus began a lifetime of identity confusion. My name is spelled 7 different ways in my yearbook.

7. I played softball until I was 12. Then I got a mean coach and stopped. Not to mention the older you get the faster they thow the ball, and the less cool I was about standing in front of it.

8. I began college as an anthropology major because I've always been fascinated by archaeology. Then I took an anthropology class and decided it wasn't a good idea. Still, I would like to hike the Inca trail and see Macchu Piccu sometime before I die.

Humble Pie

Okay, so my boss is non-specific. Big deal. I'm not the picture of efficiency either. Almost as if she knew I had been complaining about her, she commented the other day, "I'll bet it drives you nuts to work with me."

I smiled. "Sometimes, yes."

She proceeded to tell me that she's aware of how she is, she's trying to be better, and that she'd try and make sure I understood her instructions before disappearing. I told her that I'd try and be more clear about what exactly I didn't understand. We made our peace, and I feel bad about my rant earlier.

Today I went to a women's rehab center to teach a parenting class. It involves taking a specific children's book, reading it aloud together, and hashing out themes and concepts that are applicable to our lives. You would have never known how deep the story the Three Billy Goats Gruff is until you read it with these women:

"I'm like the littlest billy goat, 'cuz my brother looked out for me."

"How come they're all named Gruff? That's weird."

"Those little billy goats totally set that third one up. I know a snitch like that..."

"The troll is like my addiction..."

"The troll is like the dude that took my kid away..."

"The troll is like my boyfriend that used to beat me..."

It can get pretty intense sometimes. I leave every time being very glad that I don't have their problems.

Alright, can't end on that note. Look what I found on engrish.com:

Odds and Ends

There's a bell choir practicing in my kitchen right now. Don't believe me? I'll show you:




I requested Mele Kaliki Maka, but they didn't think I was funny. As you can tell in the picture, they mean business.

I went to the state fair the other night. There was a building full of those booths that are trying to sell you all kinds of useless things, and at one such booth there were two men sitting in front of a "personality analyzing machine." I've seen these contraptions at fairs and carnivals before, and they usually are run by semi-intelligent-looking people dressed in a lab coat of some kind to try and make it look legitimate. Well they must have been fresh out of intelligent-looking people, because perched on folding chairs in front of this machine were two men who looked like escaped convicts. I regret not taking a picture of them. But I did take a picture of this:



All I had to do was pay them three dollars and sign my name on that card, and they stuck the card into the wall of flashing lights that they called a "computer." It made some impressive sounds before spitting out the following analysis of me:

• You have no problem separating right from wrong.
• Ambition is your driving force.
• Bored by inaction, you go from one interest to another.
• Your methods and opinions are admired by others.
• You have a great deal of initiative.
• Your first impressions are likely to be correct.
• Your sincere friendliness is a great social asset.
• You do not indulge in daydreams, but establish realistic goals.
• You have a sharp wit and a great sense of humor.
• You can be cold and aloof one minute and warm and affectionate the next.
• You have a liking for the good things in life
• (I think that one is ridiculous... who DOESN'T?)
• You plan your moves efficiently to avoid wasting time and energy.

I have my own opinions about the accuracy of these statements. What do you think, readers? How accurate was this magical machine?

Lastly, I went to Logan for the weekend to attend my first demolition derby. I'm one not usually turned on by gratuitous violence, but MAN... it was cool. Here's a shot at one of the unfortunate cars:


I highly recommend the experience to anyone, no matter the social status. It appeals to the white trash person living inside of each of you. His name is Cletus. :)

The Devil Wears GAP -or- "Gonna wash that man..."

I've recently met the most scatterbrained being to ever walk the planet. And, unfortunately, my job is to be her administrative assistant.

It is one of my biggest pet peeves when someone who does not give specific instructions comes looking to me for a specific result, and she is the queen of it. When I go to her asking for specific instructions to an large and impressive but impossible task she has assigned me, she dismisses me or ignores my query as not important to worry about right now. I'm pretty sure it's because she already knows it's an impossibility, but when it's ME that fails at accomplishing it, then she will be praised for her vision and I will be blamed for my incompetence. It's a good thing that other parts of my job are more rewarding, because if not, I would have quit yesterday.

Also, I'm noticing a disturbing trend in the people I work around. First of all, 99% of the people in my professional encounters are women. That's to be expected in the social services field, I suppose. The alarming part is that the majority of them are divorced, embittered women who "don't need a man" to fulfill them. They're middle-aged women who have reinvented themselves after parting from their husbands of many years and have decided to devote their lives to the service of others, because it will prove that they are the better person in the dysfunctional pair. They are the sadder-but-wiser women who will be happy to instruct you on what you should and shouldn't do in your own lives to create a happy family. They have paid the price, you will reap the life lessons.

I'm beginning to wonder if failure in personal relationships is a pre-requisite for employment in a helping profession. If so, it's not a trend I want to follow. Despite what some may believe, I DO need a man. And to prevent failure in such a relationship, I'm being careful about it. Probably too careful.

But that's another post for another day.

Sunfish and SunDevils

I've been toying with the idea of starting a blog for awhile now. Part of me thinks that only people who think a lot of themselves blog; or, rather, part of me thinks that other people think that bloggers think a lot of themselves. Because I don't. Truth is, I greatly appreciate any extra glimpse I can get into the heads of my loved ones.

So, I thought I'd return the favor. Or, maybe I just think a lot of myself. I have friends in both camps: those who think I'm nice, and those who think I'm prideful. Regardless of which fire you sit at, here you are at my blog. So nah.

Anyway, I decided to start a blog because I've always loved to write. However, in recent years I've found (or taken) less opportunity to flex my creative writing muscles, and in fear of losing the ability completely, I decided a blog would help.

It's a Saturday night, and I'm at my house by myself. I share my house with four other roommates, each of which has found something to do elsewhere. I've opted to stay home for the evening and take care of some things that I keep neglecting (e.g. cleaning my room, ironing clothes, preparing a sunday school lesson, beginning a blog). I fancy myself somewhat of a social creature, but I also enjoy an evening by myself every now and then. Especially because it gives me guilt-free control over the television.

Tonight I've been torn between two programs: Blue Planet on the discovery channel (which is the ocean version of their previously aired Planet Earth series), and the Arizona State vs. Colorado University football game. Here's a little bit of what my stream of consciousness has been as a result:

(Beginning on Blue Planet)

Wow, there are some funky things in the ocean. Don't those fish know that grouping together is just going to make them more likely to be eaten? Or maybe that was God's plan for feeding the whales: causing the sardines to shoal together when they sense danger. Wow, those sea birds can dive up to 50 feet underwater! I wonder where that fits into evolution...

(flip channel)

Oh, the Sun Devils have caught up! Those students look like they're having a lot of fun. Man, I miss college already. Maybe I should muster the ambition to pursue a Masters degree and head down to ASU to do it. There's lots of LDS singles down there; I know, I served in their singles wards when I was on my mission. How much would graduate school put me into debt? Interception! Run, run, run, touchdown! I wish the Aggies played this well...

It's times like these that I'll catch my thought process and realize a couple of things. One: it's pretty noisy in my head. Two: I have pretty eclectic taste in entertainment. Not many people would be torn between a nature show and a football game - especially if they had spent the morning watching the musical Flower Drum Song.

Alright, I'm blogged out for the night. We'll see what else I consider to be blogworthy...