Waiting to Exhale

What have I been up to, you wonder?

I've been responsible for the coordination and planning of two of the major annual events for work, and they just happened to fall on the previous two weekends, one right after the other. Being prone to anxiety about insignificant things let alone significant ones and it becoming increasingly difficult for me to focus on one thing at a time let alone several, you can imagine it's been a trying month for me.

I'll spare you the details, mostly because I'm tired of hearing myself whine about them. But it's over now, and today at work as I erased all the notes from the last several months off my whiteboard, I smiled and heaved a big sigh of relief.

Because when I'm growing I don't often feel it, but today I felt it, and it made it worth the trouble.

Here are a few of my favorite moments from the last couple of weeks:

- Listening to a group of ten Tongan men talk amongst themselves and then suddenly erupt in laughter to the point of tears... making me wish I could understand Tongan.

- Watching strong grown men take a physical task I was struggling with away from me, only to watch them struggle to do it themselves. It was gratifying.

- Hearing one of my favorite volunteers apologize over and over for not recruiting more people, even when his people were the only ones who showed to begin with. If we weren't both sweaty and exhausted, I would have hugged him.

- Reaching a point of exhaustion where my shoulder muscles just completely stopped working and I had to improvise using other muscles to lift donations into the truck. I've never been that exhausted. It felt good.

- Finding out that my failings with the first event were being discussed behind my back, and finding out that several of my coworkers defended my efforts without hesitation during the course of the conversation.

- Watching my coworker as he stood at one of the inflatable slides at the kids carnival. I gave him the task of making sure the kids took turns and went down the slide only a couple at a time, and instead he just stood there grinning in amusement as fifteen of them would barrel down the slide together. His wife must be the disciplinarian in their home.

- Even as the cold rain had been pouring for about fifteen minutes, looking across the way to see my volunteers in their red shirts still out running the carnival games without any kind of shelter. As long as kids were still brave enough to face the rain, they were determined to keep their end of the carnival going.

- Overhearing a kid whose mouth was lined in blue sugar from the cotton candy he had just inhaled as he exclaimed to his friend, "This is the greatest day of my life!"

...I tragically didn't get any pictures of either event. But if I can steal some from a coworker, I'll try and post visual aids later.

Wait for it...

Have I lost you all?

Please, please wait for me.

After Friday is over I'll have the presence of mind to organize my thoughts once again and manipulate them in an entertaining manner for your enjoyment.

"Friday? Whatever could be so significant about Friday?"

"What HAS Haley been doing that's so much more important than blogging?"

"Every moment of her life is filled with such drama and mystery. How have I lived this long without reading about it?"

If these are some of the questions burning your brain right now, never fear... I'll return shortly.

With pictures.

Maybe.

Happy Easter

Been very content with life as of late and feeling incredibly fortunate to have what I have and know what I do.

As always, working to keep my stupid pride in check.

This oughta help:

Messenger bike.

I spent the weekend in Pagosa Springs, Colorado with some friends just for a relaxing getaway. It was lovely.

We stayed in a bed and breakfast, which I had never done before, but very much enjoyed. I had the thought that it would be fun to own one myself someday... that is, if it weren't so impractical.

We stopped at several gift shops. At one in particular, the woman who sold her hand-made crafts was having a huge sale to celebrate staying in business for 8 years. I admired her commitment to her passion, especially because the things she sold were just trinkets that didn't serve any real purpose.

We spent a couple hours soaking in the hot springs. In one such pool, we talked to a man who was telling us all about his trip to New Zealand and how he and his family had taken a self-guided tour of a bunch of the places that the Lord of the Rings trilogy was filmed. As he described in detail how much fun it was, I thought about how expensive it must have been, and right then and there resigned myself to the fact that I'd most likely never get to see it for myself.

And then...

As we stopped off the side of the road to take some scenic pictures the next day, another car had parked 50 feet or so away from us. Two men got out of the car and began unloading their road biking gear. As we looked around at the scenery, I turned around in time to see the two men on their bikes begin climbing the fairly steep road up the canyon. I smiled and called out, "you're braver souls than I!"

One biker man smiled and called back out, still pedaling, "You could do it too!"

I snorted and countered, "Yeah right! In my dreams."

Then the biker, almost out of earshot, called out without looking back, "So dream!"

... He couldn't have said anything more appropriate if it had been scripted.

I spent the rest of the trip thinking about how any virtue taken to an extreme can become a vice... including practicality.

"Butter!"

This week a woman may or may not have lost her job due (at least in part) to my complaints about her lack of attention to detail in her responsibilities... which has a direct relation to how successful I am in MY job.

And last night I had a dream that this woman was stalking me and leaving threatening messages on my car hidden inside canned foods, which is evidence of how uneasily this rests on my mind (not too mention evidence that I spend too much time around canned foods).

I have many flaws, but one that has been consistent across my 28 years of life is that I am, at core, a tattle tale. I do my darndest to follow rules and work hard and be good, and sometimes it's not convenient, and sometimes I don't want to, but I do it anyway operating under the assumption that everyone else will behave the same way. (Like traffic laws. Except the speed limit part.)

So when someone blatantly DOESN'T behave the same way, and it has a negative effect on myself or a loved one, and I get a glimpse of a little gleam in their eye that comes from knowing that they're getting away with something, well...

...I, for some reason, feel it my responsibility to be the one to dish them a negative consequence. Because if there are never obvious negative consequences for deviant behaviors, why would an individual be inclined to cease the behavior? Am I right?

No, I'm not right. Jesus says so. But this is the part where I admit it's a fault.

I have vivid memories from elementary school where I would be standing in line for lunch, and someone would butt in front of me in line to stand with a friend, and I would without thinking twice point at them very obviously and say rather loudly, "Hey, he just butt in line! This kid here! He wasn't in line, and then he just butt in!" until the person, embarrassed by the attention, would retreat to the end.

Yeah. I was that girl.

I've gotten better at resisting this oh-so-popular impulse of mine. And in the case of this woman at work, I wasn't the only one who had complaints against her, and her lack of follow-through was negatively affecting much more than just me... but I still feel bad about her situation.

And I keep an eye out for mysterious canned goods near my car.

When I grow up...

A woman I work with came to me a couple weeks ago and presented to me an exciting opportunity to present our volunteer opportunities to a junior high group. I agreed to do it.

And then, I found out (after she was out of town) that I was in fact taking her place at her daughter's school for HER daughter's Career Day. Sneaky devil.

I got to the school late this morning (turns out that there's an important difference between Salt Lake and Bountiful), and as I enter the gymnasium where I'm presenting, I witness the following:

There was a man in an expensive looking suit who had a microphone in his hand that was working juuust fine, but he had it nowhere near his mouth, and he was yelling out to the crowd of kids on the bleachers instead.

Man: ...finances. Mr. Taylor is an associate of mine, and he's poured cement landings bigger than this gymnasium. (Pointing to a student with his hand raised) Yes, you have a question?

Kid: How much money do you make?

Man: ...Well, that's not really what's important. I own my own company because I know how to tell people what to do, and I have money because I know how to not spend it on iPods and cell phones and stuff. I hope you just listened there, I just taught you an important principle. Think about it. (Point) You had a question?

Kid 2: Do you live in a mansion?

Man: (Nervous laugh)... Well, everything is relative. And every dime I've made I've spent wisely, which is why I was able to pay off my mortgage when I was 39. But that's not important, the important thing is what I just told you there. I hope you were paying attention...

Kid 3: (Yells out) What kind of car do you drive?

Man: ...Look. If I happen to have my house paid off and drive a two hundred thousand dollar car and have a whole lot of money to play with, it's only because I'm really good at what I do. If you're good at things, you can have the things I do in my life. I hope you listened there. Be proactive, and you can be like me. Anyone else?

(No hands.)

As I stood there and listened I was relieved to see the teachers around me had amused smiles on their faces as well.

Of course, then it was my turn to present:

Me: (After making sure Mr. Business was no longer in the room) Well, let's get some things out of the way. I don't live in a mansion, I don't make very much money, and I am still making payments on my car. But, I've always wanted to lead a crowd of people in doing the wave. Will you guys help me out here?

(Unanimous cheering.)

Of course the kids were putty in my hands after that, and I had several teachers thank me as I was leaving for keeping things fun. And, I drove home in my Honda Civic feeling like a million bucks... or at least like two hundred thousand dollars.

Silver Lining

It's rough being single.











...really, really rough.