This week a woman may or may not have lost her job due (at least in part) to my complaints about her lack of attention to detail in her responsibilities... which has a direct relation to how successful I am in MY job.
And last night I had a dream that this woman was stalking me and leaving threatening messages on my car hidden inside canned foods, which is evidence of how uneasily this rests on my mind (not too mention evidence that I spend too much time around canned foods).
I have many flaws, but one that has been consistent across my 28 years of life is that I am, at core, a tattle tale. I do my darndest to follow rules and work hard and be good, and sometimes it's not convenient, and sometimes I don't want to, but I do it anyway operating under the assumption that everyone else will behave the same way. (Like traffic laws. Except the speed limit part.)
So when someone blatantly DOESN'T behave the same way, and it has a negative effect on myself or a loved one, and I get a glimpse of a little gleam in their eye that comes from knowing that they're getting away with something, well...
...I, for some reason, feel it my responsibility to be the one to dish them a negative consequence. Because if there are never obvious negative consequences for deviant behaviors, why would an individual be inclined to cease the behavior? Am I right?
No, I'm not right. Jesus says so. But this is the part where I admit it's a fault.
I have vivid memories from elementary school where I would be standing in line for lunch, and someone would butt in front of me in line to stand with a friend, and I would without thinking twice point at them very obviously and say rather loudly, "Hey, he just butt in line! This kid here! He wasn't in line, and then he just butt in!" until the person, embarrassed by the attention, would retreat to the end.
Yeah. I was that girl.
I've gotten better at resisting this oh-so-popular impulse of mine. And in the case of this woman at work, I wasn't the only one who had complaints against her, and her lack of follow-through was negatively affecting much more than just me... but I still feel bad about her situation.
And I keep an eye out for mysterious canned goods near my car.
1 comment:
I am the opposite to a fault. I remember when I was student teaching and a group of kids were cheating on a test right in front of me and I didn't inform the teacher. Isn't that awful!? I have been working on being stronger, and have gotten better at sticking up for me and what is right.
Don't be too hard on yourself. There are a lot of good things that can come from your "tattle telling."
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